Will I survive tommorow?

A couple of days back I cried. I don't remember the last time I had done that. Not when I didn't get through SIMC Pune, not for TISS, not even Christ. The feeling of being useless was worse than anything that I have experienced yet. The late mornings, endless TV and Internet, novels read the nth time... somewhere it got me. And I cried. For whole two minutes.

It''s not like people don't take breaks after school or graduation. It's just that I had not expected it at all. Somehow I felt I would get in somewhere. And the idea of going to a small city for MBA after living in Delhi for three years made it worse(sorry di!).

So when I got a chance to come to SIMC Bangalore, I jumped. Well, not exactly. I discussed and thought and discussed some more. But in the end what was I to do? Yeah it'll be the first year for the Bangalore campus, yeah the fees amount made me a bit queasy, yeah I did not have a very pleasant experience at the interview. But I want to be in Advertising, and it's Symbi. So, my dad worked endlessly, got everything ready for me in five days, and came with me on a two day train journey of hell to Bangalore.

We knew that this college makes you work really hard. They told us this at the GD/PI itself. But it's worse, much worse. The day of Orientation we got an assignment that is worth 20 per cent of one of our subjects. We need to finish three books on our own for tests. There are three internships and ten projects to be completed. My classes last for four hours at a stretch. My head is spinning. In just two days. I don't know how others are managing but I'm scared. Actually I'm terrified.

I still want to do this. I'm just scared of not doing it well. People here know more about things that I've just started working on. Sometimes I wonder, as much as I want to do this, will I be able to handle the pressure? Not just the next two years, but the rest of my career span. Will I be able to survive in the big bad world? Will I have to compromise on the things I believe in? And if I do, will my conscious haunt me?

Anyway, out of the sombre mood, on to my happy place. The campus is really cool. My room is sooo big and clean. No more waiting in line in the morning outside the washroom. The food is clean and decent and somehow South Indians make North Indian food better. Less oil and all. I have a laptop, the single most expensive thing I've owned in my life. And I'm learning a lot, everyday. I know some people are better, but I'm gonna get there soon. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. I can either worry, or I can do my best. I've made my choice.