Coz I was bored and there was nothing on TV... :P

Okay, so what I'm about to write down might sound extremely shallow to people, but I really feel that there might be many people who agree to me on this one...

Remember when you were a kid and you were always forced to meet these kids of friends of your parents, who were too cool, or too good looking or too rich and so forth... and they even though they would not make fun of you outright, you knew that they were laughing at you??? okay, so maybe that was only me who felt it(I was a freaky child, what can I say?)

Anyways, so it may happen that you grow up, and you haven't met them for a long time, and then when finally meet them, you are so much more cooler than them!! And then they know it, and you know it, but obviously you don't say anything (coz you're so cool and stuff!) and on the inside you're all like... YEA!!!!!

Okay, that's it, I need a job now...

In the memory of...

I remember the day I heard about you, for the last time. There were tears of course, you must be laughing about them I know, but I couldn't help it. But it wasn't the tears because you left, it was my regret tears. Regret about never trying to keep in touch with you, never trying to hold you back from everything wrong that you did, of never holding you together, even with words, the way you did.

I felt like I used you, and then discarded and moved on to a life that I always wanted to live. Leaving you behind, even though you never asked for it. I know you were proud, so was I. But that doesn't make any of us more sensible.

I miss you sometimes. Sometimes, days go by and I never think about you. And some days I cannot stop thinking about you. I wish you were here, and this stupid thing never happened. Not with me, but just here, in this universe. I wish someday I would wake up and my best friend would call me and tell me another stupid thing you're doing in our hometown.

That's another thing, because of you, I'm scared to go back now. I'm scared that you're memory will suddenly jump up from somewhere; the bus stop, the lake, my terrace, my stairs. It would hit me and I wouldn't be able to stop myself from drowning. That would make you laugh, wouldn't it? That would make you say, Nishtha, you little girly girl!

I wish I could see your smile again. The way you hated being photographed, remember how I ran behind you, around and around for a stupid video clip until you finally bowed? You never got angry, no matter what I would tell you.

You hurt me so much, but I miss that too, because at that time I could at least feel it.

I hope you found all your answers now, Rest In Peace (30 April 1988- 26 July 2010)

Thoughts keep me up at night...

So yesterday the final verdict of Bhopal Gas Tragedy came in. The media went crazy (as usual) saying a lot of gibberish that didn't make any sense. I don't want to make any comments about what was right or what was wrong. I've not been familiar with the entire score of the happenings, nor do I want to pretend that I know. My family came to Bhopal about six years after the mishap, and therefore it never really touched me.

But something about all the proceedings that went on yesterday made me sad. I started to read a bit about it, some people were crying foul, some said the case wasn't strong enough, blah blah blah. But nothing made that feeling any better.

The thing is this, how much do you pay for your life? What do your lungs cost? Have we ever thought about it? The newspapers said that 470 million dollars have been paid for damages. The number of people affected is approximately around 5.72 lakhs. I'm not even assuming that the actual victims will get the money, or if the number of them is higher or not. Even with the same number, it's somewhere around forty thousand rupees per person. Forty thousand for your eyes, your kidneys...your organs.

If that still means nothing, think of the people who are still suffering from the side effects. What do they consider as a punishment for people responsible for it? Do parents who see their children suffer every single day consider two years (and actually just 2 hours, they got out by bail) enough for them?

Again I have to say that I'm not pin pointing on anything, not the judiciary, not the system or the case or whatever. I consider these discussions endless and nothing ever comes out of it. I'm just feeling sad and trying to get this out of me.

I love this place... I don't love this place... I love this place...

Nine months down the line... or I can say a small string that I have to constantly walk on... and I'm confused. This place has given me so many things, taught me so much, well... maybe more than I wanted to know. I agree that it's better than getting depressed and obese in Bhopal, or job hunting in Delhi, definitely better than doing nothing, but I'm not sure doing EVERYTHING was what I had in mind when I joined SIMC. As I've mentioned before, I was warned about it. Sometimes it just feels that whatever I'm doing... will it actually help?

So here's counting down 5 best and worst things that I face everyday

BADS

5. The food: It's good, it's okay, it's horrible

4. People: Aside from seeing them everyday, now new problem... 'jhelo' them everyday too!

3. Bangalore: I'm pretty sure I'm never going to live here after this gets over. (Although I said the same about Delhi!!)

2. The 'ASSIGNMENTS': Some are okay, most don't make sense, almost all we copy paste

1. The BAD Faculty: Most of this sem, I've only attended the lectures for the attendance, and the entire time I think, I could've done this so much better. We have it all, the PHDs who have never seen a world outside books, the so called know-it-alls, the ppt readers, the monotoners etc etc. (Advice to them: Please get laid!! FAST!!!)

GOODS

5. Advertising- Not something that was like my childhood dream or anything, but I like it!

4. Friends- They are the perfect combination for me. I love you guys!!!

3. Meeting- I never thought it would happen to me. Me, of all the people in the world who've spent their entire lives looking for this. (Not gonna explain any further ;))

2. First Internship- It was the best thing that has happened to me till now. When people tell you that whatever work you've done has been invaluable, and when you see the results of your hard work, it's worth all the shit that you have done.

1. Knowledge- Okay, may sound cliched, but that why I'm here.

Some days I wanna kill myself. Like literally tear my heart out and eat it up!! And some days, I wonder what kind of a person I'll become at the end of two years. And the there are days, when your efforts are appreciated, you ask the right question, or give the right answer, you make something that you know is AWESOME!! It's for those days that I'm still here.

And I'm still here...